CONSENTconsentconsentconsentconsentconsent

I know.  The last thing on Earth that we need right now is yet another article/blog/soundbite expressing outrage at Trump, cluttering up the Internet and getting lost with all the others.

Most of the absolutely ridiculous and illogical pro-Trump, anti-woman, assault-glossing-over memes and comments get whisked away with the roll of my eyes, but this one... is something entirely different.

This one is perpetuating a seriously dangerous attitude that goes far, far beyond this election.

The argument here is basically, well if you accept sexual content or language in any capacity, from anyone, at any time, then it must be welcomed from any one, at any time.

Starting with the easy stuff...

1. 50 Shades of Grey is a book.  To put it in perspective, substitute any of these other works of fiction:

"If men don't want to be cannibalized, why did so many of them watch The Silence of the Lambs?"

"If kids aren't secretly itching to be selected for a murdery blood-bath, why was the The Hunger Games trilogy so popular?"

See, that doesn't work.  Literature is entertainment.  Literature proposes ideas for an audience to consider.  Purchase of said literature or associated entertainment does not correlate with an acceptance of the material.  Hell, even the authors who wrote the material aren't necessarily condoning what their characters do. It's an exploration.  Something tells me the people who made this meme don't actually read books, though.

The only book that this meme's argument actually does work with is Harry Potter, because god knows I actually do want to go to Hogwarts, and if you can make that happen, please, send me an owl or whatever.  

2.  Mother&%*ing Consent

I am swearing because I am so, so mad about this.  SO ANGRY.

Guess. What.  The majority of you reading this probably have sex with someone.  SomeONE. And whatever you and that other person have negotiated in regards to sex is up to you, because the word there is negotiated.  You and that person came to the terms of what you would and would not accept in regards to sex.

So in 50 Shades of Grey, this girl and this guy consented to sex that, as far as I can tell, seems pretty unpleasant.  Not my cup of tea, but you know what?  Their bedroom, their negotiation, their business.  Both adults, yes?  Fine, then.

Here's what DIDN'T happen in that book (to my knowledge, can't say I've read it).  She did not make that agreement with anyone else but that guy.  That means that NO ONE ELSE BUT THAT GUY HAS PERMISSION TO HAVE SEX WITH HER.

I don't mean to blow your mind or anything, but you can actually consent to one without consenting to all.  You can also consent once, and not again.  Every time someone gives consent, it is a one-time, admit-one situation.  A girl could sleep with every guy in her graduating class except one, and that is fine.  A girl can sleep with a guy twenty times and then stop, and that is fine. No one is entitled to sex from anyone, at any time.  No one loses their ability to say no because they once said yes, or because they read a book about sex.

3. I Am Pissed as Hell About This Because I am so Scared for my Students.

I talk about consent in class a lot, and I show this video.

After watching that video, I have been asked some of the scariest questions ever, like, "Well.. what if you're texting with her and she's into it, but then you get there and she changed her mind?" and, "Okay, but what if the girl is like, KNOWN for sleeping with everyone?"

And then I say, "...what?  NO NO NO NO NO!"

These kids aren't assholes, they're part of a culture that comes out with stupid memes like the one above that suggest that women can't freely give and rescind consent, and part of a culture that has a man who suggested that you "grab [women] by the pussy" steps away from the presidency.

We don't live in a vacuum.  The kids of this culture are going to take their cues from us, and if they see instance after instance of women being blamed for their own assaults for various reasons, they're going to come to believe that this is the way that it goes. Who is going to tell those kids that that's not how it goes, when everyone around them, the leaders around them are saying that it is?! And it isn't just Trump, who is easily dismiss-able- this attitude is EVERYWHERE in our culture.

Stop spreading this meme.  Stop blaming women for their own assaults.  Stop participating in rape culture.  God, I hope you never rape someone, but when you spread shit like this, you are feeding into the people who do.  You are part of it.

Yes, millions of women read a book about sadomasochism, from the safety of their own homes, for entertainment, and then they put it down and got on with their lives. If you think that that means that women everywhere want to be assaulted, like to be assaulted, are asking to be assaulted, then you are scaring the shit out of me.