The Sewer Test

Everyone has a few good friends that they've had for a long time, but at some point, you find yourself thinking "Is this person really my good friend?" Like, is he Sam or, under it all, is he an effing back-stabbing Golom? I find the the best way to answer this question is to reframe it as "Would this person remove a sewer cover and insert their upper body into it on my behalf". It's really the only definitive test of friendship.

I've been wondering this very question about Jon for a long time, so today I set about answering it with an elaborately orchestrated scheme at the local park. Brade and I met the Ks at the park for a nice play date. At one point, I was talking with Rebecca, and just as I had carefully coached him to, Brady grabbed my keys from the wagon. Our conversation was interrupted when everyone suddenly gasped and I turned to see Brady and Nopa crouched over the sewer grate. The tingle of keys was in the air.

Again, this whole event was completely planned and not a horrifying, jaw-dropping, WTF moment. To keep things interesting, I made sure that the only house key in the immediate vicinity and the key to my brand new just-acquired-yesterday car were on the ring. I dig suspense.

At this point, my mind immediately jumps to "great, where am I going to get another car key?". I was sort of already recreating the Gordy Grumpy Voice in my head. Sometimes he says to me "...real cute, Laura". To be clear, he doesn't think whatever has happened is actually cute.

I think this is a good place to show the contrast between my personality and Jon's. If we're talking about Goonies, I'm that computer kid. Radar? I don't know. The kid who's like "sucks to be you!". But Jon is that kid who says "GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!!!" and "This is OUR time! Our time down here!" (not the same kid? I don't know it's been a while. Well then he's a hybrid of the two).

So Jon removes the sewer cover.

This is a good time to mention that Rebecca is a germ. a. phobe. She is visibly nauseated by the current ongoings. Jon, though, is halfway down the sewer with a stick, fishing my keys out. AND?? He GETS them. Effing fishes my keys out of a school sewer!!

And that's why Goonies never say die, and why I'm bestowing this awesome award on Jon.

Not many friends pass the sewer test, my friend. You are an example to live by.