Target Knows Men.

It is once again that time of year when I am two weeks before Christmas, and still trying to figure out what to purchase for the gentlemen in my life (that would be Danny & Scott), who have given me weirdo suggestions like socks and some stupid video game where you assassinate people.  

Enter. Target.

Here's what you don't know about Target: they've got their finger on the pulse of the male population. Hidden away in the middle of the men's clothing department is a cardboard display filled with everything every man in your life has ever wanted.  You'll know you've arrived because of the GIFTS FOR MEN sign at the top.
Did they lobotomize a man and use the knowledge for marketing purposes?
No idea.  All I know is that they've saved Christmas.

So what is it that men truly want?

1.  Hand-held paper shredder

Do you have a man in your life who is constantly saying, "Good LORD, I am SO. SICK. of technology carrying out menial tasks for me, freeing up tons of time for me to do things I like!!"?

You do?

Seriously?

Okay.

Well.  Then you should buy him these handheld paper shredders, formerly marketed as herb scissors.  And then you should check if you're Amish, in which case you really shouldn't be reading this, or squatting in Greenfield Village.  Or perhaps you're Ted Kacyzinski.

At any rate, happy holidays!

2.

Harmonica?

Ah, no.

Harmanica.

Nothing says love like gifting the world's spittiest instrument to the love of your life.

It's retro.  Hipster, even.

If you can, you should really get that harmonica holder that makes it look like you have head gear to go along with it.  

What's better is that it's a gift for everyone in the house; goodbye to alarm clocks- and hello to waking up to the idyllic sounds of The Times They Are A'Changin at 6 am.

3.   Travel Shot Glass set

Another thing that men really want is a travel shot glass set.  What's remarkable, and sets these travel shot glasses apart, is that they are the exact size of actual shot glasses.  For the unrefined, that might beg the question, "Why do you need travel shot glasses?  Why not just throw an actual shot glass in your suitcase?"  For everyone else, the question may be, "Why do you need to travel with shot glasses?  How is your home life these days?"

The answer to both questions is the distinctive leather case.

If you don't get it, maybe you should stick to the hand shredder.

4. Really, though, the highlight of this Man Collection is this:

What can you do with finger lights?

What can't you do with finger lights?!

Here are just a FEW suggestions:

• Create your own Pink Floyd "The Wall" Laser light show on your ceiling
• Direct traffic in the case of a power outage
• Give a cat a brain aneuyrsm by pointing the lights in four different directions at once.

If you want to buy your husband/dad/boyfriend/son/nephew some ridiculous assassin video game, you do what you want.  But Danny is getting a set of finger lights, and I'm anticipating a high-lighted high-five, and Scott is getting a Harmanica, with which he can sing my praises.  And the only thing getting assassinated? Christmas expectations.

*Drops microphone*