Turkeys, or "Why People Are Vegetarians", plus an update

Check it out- I knocked out two goals in one day.

One goal, as you know per the last post, is the the every other week Sunday family dinner night. The fabulous Stockingers were last week's guest, but I don't seem to have taken any pictures of that. This week's guests were both the Treharnes AND the Kameyas. Second goal- cook a turkey. For the first time EVER.

Let's talk turkey.

Haaaaaaaaaaa.

No really, though. Let's talk about turkey.

If you, like me, have never roasted a turkey, there are many things for you to learn. The first thing I learned was this:

TURKEYS COST A CRAPLOAD OF MONEY. What the crap? $20?!

That sucked.

Something else you might not know is that, if you want to cook a turkey, you should plan approximately 1 year ahead. Because you can't just cook a turkey. You apparently have to thaw a turkey for a decade prior to cooking. If you weren't aware of such things and bought the turkey the day before you planned to make it, you may have to thaw it in a big bowl of cold water for hours. If that's your situation, don't read the directions, which say "Always thaw your turkey in the refrigerator several days before cooking", as that will make you feel like an enormous turkey failure before your even have the chance to fail.
Or so I've heard.

Now comes the part where you swear off meat for the rest of your life. The directions say "pull the (nasty word like "innards" or something to that effect) from both holes". First of all, Butterball, don't use the word "holes" when referring to what I'm about to cook.

Secondly, one "hole" was apparent. But the problem was that my turkey was mostly thawed, but still a little icy. There was a plastic packet of gravy stuffed in said "hole", but when I set about trying to get it out, it was much like an anthropologic excavation. I tried to make things a bit easier by using a knife to remove some turkey crap that was in the way. Sadly, I also accidentally slit the packet of gravy. Then the "hole" began to fill with gravy. Then I almost cried. But I didn't. Because i've seen 127 Days and, damnit, you DON'T JUST GIVE UP. Long story long, I wrestled the punctured gravy packet from the frozen turkey tundra, located the "giblets" (vomit), and washed that sucker out. Then I had to rub that thing down with olive oil and salt.

I don't want to talk about it.

But I imagine it's a lot like working in a retirement home.

Finally, I got to put it in the oven.

I didn't really know how to cook a turkey.

So I called my nana.

And, BTW, shut up, because you're never too old to call your badass Nana.

YAYYYYY! The timer pops and the turkey looks.. edible.
Meanwhile, Brady and Nopa are playing inside the "treasure chest".
Jon and Ryan swoop in and make gravy etc. and we're good to go.
Rose likes it.

All in all? A successful turkey experience. Next time, I would like to actually stuff the turkey with stuffing. Maybe even brine it. We will see.

I'm only sad that one of my goals wasn't "Make sure Brady gets to meet a man in a creepy Elmo suit" because then, my friends, it would have been three goals in one day.

And as far as other goals go:

For January I was supposed to watch The Graduate. And I did. And, let me tell you, I flipping loved it. It was GREAT. I had a lot more to say about that after I watched it, but now threeish weeks have passed and I can't really remember why I loved it so much. But I really did.

I was also supposed to read "Franny and Zooey".

J.D. - You know I love you. And it breaks my heart to say this. But I really sort of hated "Franny and Zooey". I get that you're into the Eastern religion thing. And that's totally fine. But this was no "Catcher in the Rye".